College Fantasy Football Rewind

There is a first time for everything; people typically say this after something downright amazing happens.  I've also heard of this being used on pick up lines many times while dominating the drinking establishments in Madison, Wisconsin.  Typically; your Average Joe with a nobody name and even less game will launch it out there to a fine East Coast hunny.  "I don't leave the bars without my friends," or "I don't like guys that play World of Warcraft for 12 hours straight."  Person X that just got dissed/rejected gets a smirk and offers, "Well, there's a first time for everything."  Don't lie; you've used it yourself or know somebody that has.  This is one of those cases; something amazing happens.  I'm not getting rejected, but I am posting a rewind from the past week.. yes, ladies and gentlemen.  Much like when communist Russia fell.. The Buccaneers got an NFL win this season.. there is a 1st time for everything!

This week was a typical college week; full of craziness and a few random boneheaded plays.  The first mistake came in a huge EPIC battle that was going to ensue in a rivalry game.  A trophy on the line; hardware of epic proportions.  The trophy hasn't been created yet, but it will be soon for the BAC 2.0 Bowl.  A battle between Chad and Bauman; some say two former friends turned enemies.  I say they've hated each other since day 1.  Bauman has been jealous of Chad as long as he's known him; he's almost like Bird/Magic.  Always looking over his shoulder to see what the other is doing and never happy with what he has; always coveting thy neighbor's beasts of burden.  It's sad really, anyway, a phone call Friday established the trophy was on the line and some smack was talked.  When it came down to it Bauman never left the locker room.  The crowd was amazing; stadium shaking.  People miles away called the police to check on earthquakes in the area because the ground was shaking.  Suddenly; the lights in the stadium went out.  Turns out, after checking security tapes; that Bauman actually snuck down into the electrical area and cut the power to the stadium.  In the confusion that ensued; he, along with his team scattered to the bus.. tails and pride tucked between their legs.  Chad decided to give the team a show and played a scrimmage against the practice squad which his starters, of course, won easily.  Chad collects himself a rivalry trophy and another win.. making 2 on the year.

Shockingly, this was not the only forfeit of the week.  Bill, a once proud 2x league champion packed his bags against T-Raz and took the loss.  I would make fun of Bill and his squad, except.. well, Bill never showed up at practice last week.  Nobody has heard from or seen him since two weekends ago.  Now, this is where it gets scary.. Bill's wife previously turned a line up in and "Bill" hasn't been heard from since.  I am just saying.  There were claims she was a bit of a freak, so hopefully nothing bad happened to the happy go lucky former Mr. Kool-Aid.  We all have our fingers crossed that we hear from him this week.  T-Raz also scrimmaged this week and almost lost to 22 random fans in the stands including a pregnant 38 year old from West Virginia and the guy that wears blaze orange and plays that instrument down on State Street.  Scanner Dan coached the group of scrubs to a near victory saying afterwards, "Badhhhd get afweouald beer."  The reports weren't sure how to take it and quickly walked away. 

In what might have been the game of the week Josh bested Perrins 182-170.  An absolute shoot out with 2 amazing scores from each squad this week.  Dexter McCluster, a WR, had 287 rushing yards and 4 rushing TD's.  You read that right; what a day for Josh.  He also racked up over 20 points from Landry Jones and John Clay.  It was enough to best the 6 guys that put up over 12 for Perrins including 2 guys over 30.  Perrins takes another tough loss on the chin and Josh shows that he has evolved his coaching to being a team player.  His QB's are young and RB's younger; he could be a force in the near future.  All in all; this might be the highest scoring game in league history.  Our stats guys are looking into the information.  After the game a dejected Super Danario Alexander said, "I got traded from a team that couldn't score and was embarrassing (Chad's team of losers) to Perrin's team.  We spend more time on offense here than anybody in the nation, so much, in fact, that even our guys on the defensive side of the ball can run the plays.  LB's can play RB if we get that far into our depth chart.  The DT's can pull out on the sweeps and play guard.  The CB's can all run the Wildcat and my routes.  Maybe we should think about playing defense next week?"  

The number 1 team in the nation, Crass played and dominated down and out, Joe.  Rumor has it that Bill's wife submitted Joe's line up for this week as he made some questionable decisions.  Being a coach myself; I know that he has a reason.  Maybe Zac Robinson didn't get his homework done, talked back to a teacher, or hadn't turned his physical in yet so Locker got the start.  Whatever the case, 88 points isn't going to get the job done against many teams in this league; let alone #1.  Of course, Crass is so intimdating right now that maybe Zac Robinson didn't think he was man enough to play.. even though Mike "Stan Van" Gundy is.  Whatever the case, when you have 5 guys score under 6 points you aren't going to win.  Crass meanwhile, the Steady Eddy, he is had 7 guys over 10 points.. and won despite -2 from the USC defense.  Joe has to be questioning himself, one angry fan said, "Really?  I don't go to practice and I drank 3 fish bowls today and haven't eaten or slept in 2 weeks.  I know for a fact that Jake Locker and Michael Smith are not the way to go.  This guy needs to get his head out of the cardboard box and think a little bit."  The man would not get his name, but we did get his picture.    

In the last game of the week; Cherns played underappreciated Brian.  Brian is so into the league he has a team name, mascot, logo and fictious stadium that he plays in.  Rumor has it this tv show is what he wishes his life was like.  We cannot confirm nor deny this statement.  Either way; he lost in a dogfight against this league's Ochocinco, Cherns.  Cherns is now being called Super Wal-Mart by many fans and owners because his mouth is open 24-7.  He's loud, brash, and arrogant, but as he says.. he wins.  The Rodgers brothers did what they could for Brian but it wasn't enough as "the future is now" group of WR's in AJ Green and Malcolm Williams managed a Chad-like day at WR in the form of 1 point.  "That's all we got is 1 god damn point?"  "You can't say god damn on the air"  "Who cares.. nobody's listening anyway."  LaMichael James carried cherns to the win.